For a long time now, I’ve felt deeply separated from people. I’ve felt a massive disconnect, and I’m at the point in my life where I honestly have just grown out of many old friendships naturally and gradually, and instead I’ve been spending more time alone just trying to develop myself all while figuring my shit out.
Many times I get really hard on myself about this. I think to my past self, and different versions of me throughout the years, and how at this point I’m my life, I’m the most shelled in and introverted version of myself that has ever came out… or maybe I should say stayed in.
Regardless of that, let me just say, the loneliness is quite freeing. I spent most of my teen years surrounded by people quite literally all the time, who I was constantly living to please. I’m not going to lie, in the past I think one of my greatest weeknesses was the fact that I was subconsciously and unhealthily prone to giving off this unauthentic filtered version of myself, who’s personality was dictated and specially formed to match the energy of whoever I was with.
It’s kind of like that moment when you’ve spent so much time with someone, and your personalities begin to mesh. Only I’m beginning to realize that unless you’re surrounding yourself with the right people, the type of people who have parts of themselves that you recognize as human and authentic and genuine—when you look up to them as role models for the person you want to become—it’s almost impossible for a relationship to be fulfilling. When you surround yourself with friends who are toxic, you can’t ever truly grow together in a positive light. These relationships will just be an aspect of your life where you are feeding off of this toxic energy and together you can become some of the worst versions of yourselves if you aren’t careful.
There’s been times during the chaos of last year where I was scared to break away from toxic relationships that I was so heavily reliant on because I was scared of being alone. But when I was able to free myself and end some unhealthy relationships, yes I lost a lot of friends, and yes I am still currently in a state of being relatively lonely, but the people I have around me are people who inspire and push me to be happy and authentically myself.
We forget how important the act of being able to form your own life and routine outside of anyone else’s opinion and input truly is. This way of living is enough in and of itself to lead you to a new found feeling of independence and self worth. When you begin to do more for you, when you work on yourself, your forms of expression, your spirituality whatever it is you choose really, when you spend more time present with yourself in these moments, those are truly some of the most cherished raw experiences that I think you can find in life.
One of the greatest lessons that I’ve personally learned from quarantine and the past year plus of COVID intruding and altering so many different aspects of our lives, is how importantj it really is to love yourself and be aware of your own potential. I feel like this time of personal isolation has been such a critical time for me to begin to realign my true intentions and goals for the future and learn how to live for myself and my dreams. It’s been a battle to learn how to do this, and even at this point, I’m no where close to mastering the skill of effortlessly loving and accepting myself day in and day out.
I haven’t made a blog entry for a long time, but I did think this was something important to discuss, because I think a lot of us are deep down really lonely right now. But that’s okay. I’m here because at times I need to remind myself that it’s okay to be lonely, and a lot of that feeling of loneliness will dissipate when you learn to love the life you live in solitude.
I was also inspired to make an entry on this because of a recent podcast episode that Emma Chamberlain released. She has these amazing “Advice Session” episodes where she answers questions for her followers and this particular follower sent in a message where they asked, “how can I get away from friends that I feel like don’t like me anymore, because if I drop them I’ll be alone?”
Let me just say that the way Emma explains the importance of loving being alone and understanding your self worth by not taking shit from toxic relationships was such a wise and refreshing perspective that I really think a lot of people need to hear right now. So I made sure to save that question and answer and if you’d like to dive deeper into her thoughts on this subject you should definitely give it a listen.
Anyways, as important as it is to love being alone, it is equally important to still put yourself out there and learn from these moments of solitude with yourself to discover what you deserve and all that you should receive. Just because you’re lonely now doesn’t mean this period will last forever.
As for anyone who needs it or just wants to chat, feel free to send me a message if you feel like discussing anything, I’m always here with open ears. I hope if you’re in a similar place that this in a way reminded you that being alone is normal and okay and an essential time to self improve and grow as an individual.
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